What Information Do You Need Before Ordering a Headstone or Grave Marker?
Ordering a headstone is something most people only do once or twice in a lifetime, so it’s completely normal not to know where to start. Whether you’re planning ahead for yourself or arranging a memorial for someone you’ve lost, having a few key pieces of information ready before you sit down with a memorialist can make the whole process faster, less stressful, and more accurate the first time around.
Here’s a complete checklist of what you’ll need, and why each piece matters.
1. Cemetery Rules and Restrictions
Every cemetery has its own regulations about headstone size, material, color, and even foundation depth. Some cemeteries only allow flat, flush markers. Others permit upright monuments but restrict height or require a specific base size. Before you choose a design, it’s worth calling the cemetery office directly or asking your memorial company to confirm:
- Maximum height and width allowed
- Whether upright, slant, or flush markers are permitted
- Any material restrictions (some older sections only allow granite, for example)
- Foundation or setting requirements
If you don’t have this information yet, don’t worry. A reputable monument company can usually obtain it directly from the cemetery on your behalf.
2. Full Legal Name and Any Nicknames
You’ll want the deceased’s full legal name as it should appear on the stone, along with any preferred nickname or shortened version the family wants included (for example, “Robert ‘Bob’ Sullivan”). Double-check spelling against a birth certificate or other official document, since engraving errors are difficult and costly to fix once the stone is cut.
3. Birth and Death Dates
Accurate dates are essential, and it’s worth verifying them against an official document rather than relying on memory alone. If the format matters to your family (spelled out vs. numeric, for example), let your memorialist know your preference.
4. Relationship and Family Names (For Family Monuments)
If you’re ordering a family monument rather than an individual marker, gather the names, relationships, and any dates for other family members who may be included now or added later. Many families choose to leave space for future engravings, so it’s worth discussing this upfront even if not everyone’s information is finalized yet.
5. Military Service Information (If Applicable)
Veterans may be eligible for specific emblems, military branch insignia, or a government-furnished headstone or marker at little to no cost. If military service applies, gather:
- Branch of service
- Rank
- War era or years of service
- Whether the family wants a government-issued marker or a custom memorial with military elements
6. Desired Wording, Epitaph, or Inscription
Beyond the basic name and dates, many families choose to add a short epitaph, a religious verse, a favorite saying, or a personal message. Take some time as a family to discuss this, since it’s often the most meaningful part of the design and the hardest to agree on later. Common choices include:
- A favorite Bible verse or religious passage
- A short phrase reflecting the person’s personality or values
- “Beloved husband and father,” or similar relationship-based wording
7. Material and Color Preference
Granite is the most popular choice for durability and range of color, but marble and bronze are also available, depending on the cemetery’s rules and your personal preference. If you already have a color or finish in mind (from a family monument nearby, for instance), bring a photo if possible.
8. Design Elements, Icons, or Photos
If you’d like to include a religious symbol, military emblem, laser-etched photo, or a custom design (a favorite hobby, pet, or meaningful image), gather any reference photos now. Custom etchings take additional design time, so having your reference materials ready speeds up the approval process.
9. Budget Range
It helps to have a general budget in mind before your first conversation. Costs vary significantly based on material, size, and design complexity, and a good memorialist will work within your range rather than push you toward the most expensive option.
10. Timeline and Any Deadline Considerations
Most markers take three to four weeks, and monuments typically take four to six weeks, though this can extend depending on weather and cemetery installation schedules. If there’s a memorial service, anniversary, or unveiling date you’re working toward, share that early so your memorialist can plan accordingly.
Bringing It All Together
You don’t need every detail finalized before your first conversation. Most memorial companies, including Buzzi Memorials, will walk you through a design proof and give you the chance to review wording, layout, and lettering before anything is engraved. Gathering what you can from this list ahead of time simply makes that first meeting smoother and helps avoid delays later in the process.
Frequently Asked Questions
What information do I need to order a headstone? At minimum, you’ll need the full legal name, birth and death dates, and any cemetery-specific size or material restrictions. Additional details like military service, family relationships, and custom wording can be added as you finalize the design.
Do I need the cemetery’s permission before ordering a headstone? Most cemeteries require monument permits and have specific rules about size, material, and foundation requirements. Your memorial company can typically contact the cemetery directly to confirm these details on your behalf, so you don’t need to have every rule figured out yourself.
How do I find out what size headstone is allowed in a specific cemetery? Cemetery offices keep records of section-by-section restrictions, since older and newer parts of a cemetery often have different rules. Call the cemetery directly, or ask your monument company to look into it, since most have relationships with local cemeteries already.
What if I don’t know the exact wording I want yet? That’s completely normal. Many families start with just the name and dates, then take time deciding on an epitaph or personal message. A good memorialist will provide a design proof so you can review and adjust wording before anything is finalized.
Can I add a photo or custom design to a headstone? Yes, many headstones today include laser-etched photos, religious symbols, military emblems, or custom artwork representing a hobby or interest. If you have a specific photo or design in mind, bring a reference image to your first meeting.
Is a veteran eligible for a free government headstone? Many veterans qualify for a government-furnished headstone or marker at no cost, though eligibility depends on discharge status and where the veteran is buried. Spouses and dependents typically only qualify if buried in a national or state veterans’ cemetery. Your memorial company can help confirm eligibility.
How far in advance should I order a headstone? Markers typically take three to four weeks, and monuments take four to six weeks, though this depends on cemetery installation schedules and weather. If you’re working toward a specific service or anniversary date, it’s best to start the process as early as possible.
Can family members be added to a monument later? Yes, many families choose family monuments with space intentionally left for future names and dates. Let your memorialist know upfront if this is something you’d like to plan for, since it can affect the layout and design.
Buzzi Memorials has been helping families across Westerly, RI, Pawcatuck, CT, and the surrounding communities navigate this process since 1933. If you’re ready to start designing a personalized headstone or grave marker, contact us for a free consultation.
